Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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