So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
