Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
