ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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