things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
