If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
