Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
