do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
