Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I FOUND THE LEGS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
