I'm really into asian looking animals
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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