fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize