So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sext me about skeletons
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
