the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
