hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
