it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
