did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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