I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
