Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
