Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
