Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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