so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
