Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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