end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
