whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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