Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
