i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
