dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
