he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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