I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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