Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
