I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
