She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
