Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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