you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
