how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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