If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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