Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
