where does the pee come out of this thing
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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