New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
