The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
