so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We talked him into tasing himself.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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