He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize