So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
