Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
