Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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