yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
