Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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