I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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