quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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