Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
