Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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