I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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