So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize