he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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