my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
