The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize