Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
