And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
