and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I smell stomach acid.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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