Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
