I'm going to jail i love you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
