that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
