The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
