just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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