Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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