dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
