i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
