The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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