We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
