If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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